ESTP

对ESTP类型的人来说，最重要的是能自由地娱乐并充分体验着目前的生活。

ESTP人很自然，很活跃。像其他SP类型的人一样，ESTP凭激情冲动做事，并从中得到极大的满足感。有关权力、成功、刺激和冒险的事，ESTP都感到极大的兴趣。如果他们长期抑制这些激情，将会感到非常郁闷。

ESTP人最擅长在游戏中巧妙得近乎让人怀疑的手段取胜，而不破坏任何游戏规则。他们的本性驱使自己在竞争中做的最好。一些最成功、最优秀的销售员就是ESTP 类型的。几乎是潜意识的作用，ESTP人能找到微弱的几乎察觉不到的线索套得了自己的猎物。

在ESTP人看来，虚弱即意味着失败。他们欣赏强大的自己及他人。"Shock effect"是他们吸引听众的最偏爱的技巧。他们喜欢在舞台的中央展现着自己的勇敢和非凡的成果。

魅力四射的挑战者型（ESTP）

若你是一个挑战者型

你是那种会促使事情发生的人。你朝气蓬勃的、迷人和超凡魅力的风格注定让每一件你做的事都充满刺激。同时你也非常擅长观察他人，并且可以针对他们的个性做出精确的评断。如果你比较偏激，你可以利用这些信息来取得你想要的东西。其他人也许会说你耍手段，但对自己而言，你只不过是抱着洒脱的心情游戏人间。

当你恋爱时

对你而言，爱情象征着刺激和永无止境的欢乐。你要一个可以和你一起享受情欲*的伴侣，你要和另一半一同享受生活赐予的恩惠。

如果你找到了一个真心喜欢的人，你擅长于开启乐天自然的个性，去吸引对方的爱慕。以一个情人而言，你很有耐心、很熟练且总是懂得取悦对方。

谈到感情，可预期性会让你厌烦。如果你可以选择，你要的感情关系是不断变化的，并且不断有一个接一个的冒险。

一阵子过后对方也许会放弃试图改变你随心所欲的态度，他会明智地接受你与生俱来的开朗个性。当然，你其实并不在乎伴侣或其他任何人怎么想；你很满意自己的生活方式，并不会因为任何事情而改变。

你的最佳恋爱类型

若你是一个女性挑战者型

你会和男性挑战者型或发明型(ENTP)相处得很好。你通常还会被发明家型的智慧和创意所吸引，但常常被他太过于理论化的计划牵着走。由此可见，你最好和一位直觉倾向不特别强势的发明家型在一起。

若你是一个男性挑战者型

你可以和女性挑战者型、冒险家型(ISTP)、艺术家型(ISFP)或表演者型(ESFP)相处得不错。

如果选的是与你完全相反的类型—作家型(INFJ)也不错，因为她可以完成你要帮助他人及改善世界的需要，而不仅仅是品尝生命中的甜美，没有任何回馈。

若你的理想情人是一个挑战者型

在哪里可以遇到一个挑战者型情人？

和表演者型一样，可以在任何令人感到刺激的地方遇到挑战者型—任何可能发生有趣事情的地方。你可以在宴会、*、健康俱乐部、音乐会、赌场、赛马场、餐厅和园游会中遇到挑战者型的人。

你也可以在运动场酒吧、家庭宴会、运动活动、爵士乐俱乐部、舞蹈俱乐部和任何你可以轻易找到大量人潮的地方发现挑战者型情人。

最后，到挑战者型天生的栖息处寻找他们，例如俱乐部、公司、组织和其他他们可以展现他们在促销、行销和公共关系这些天分的所在。

46岁的图书管理员凯伦发展她个人的恋爱类型计划之前，浪费了30年的时间和错误的男人交往。而现在最重要的目标，就是遇见她的挑战者型恋人。

对她其他的女性朋友而言，和挑战者型到俱乐部等地方玩并不是一件困难的事。但对凯伦而言，作为一位作家型和一位虔诚的基督教徒，这绝对是一件困难的事。

她不喜欢酒吧和夜总会中的饮酒作乐风气，她相信在这种地方遇到的男人无法分享她的精神价值。但是，同时她又觉得她在她的社区小教堂中遇到的男人都太过于无聊且呆板。

当凯伦在参加了一场恋爱类型讲习会后来寻求我的意见时，我依她特别的需求和希望设计了一份约会计划。她要找寻一位拥有强烈道德价值的基督徒男人，于是我建议去参加城市中最大的单身者教会社团—那间教堂为了一大群的单身者设有一系列的社交活动。

我紧接着建议她自愿加入该单身者社团一些负责社交活动筹划的委员会。这样她将有很好的机会遇见那些领导委员会的挑战者型单身汉。

根据这个计划，凯伦在6个星期内认识了3位虔诚的基督教徒，并开始和他们约会。他们3人都是很具魅力的风趣挑战者型，拥有特殊的说服力和与人沟通的卓越技巧。

凯伦现在的问题并不是该到哪里去寻找她的恋爱类型，而是该如何在她正在交往的这几位品质都很好的男性中做出选择。

只要你可以将他们摆在正确的地方，一个挑战者型男子就可以展现他们耀眼的促销技巧。毕竟，挑战者型通常都很会有自信地去接近异性，他们总是采取第一步行动的那一方。

如果你听到一个人告诉你你长得多么炫目、多么像某位电影明星，这个人一定是挑战者型，这个天生的说服家早在你还未醒觉过来时已对你展开行动了。

如何与一个挑战者型情人约会？

对他们所说的话，你都要有所保留。不管他们承不承认，很多挑战者型都是那种可以让你相信所有他说的话，不管他是不是一个游说者。通常他们并不想造成伤害，他们只不过想看看他们究竟可以把谎言扯多远而不被发现。

在一段感情开始的时候就先设下界线是很重要的。不要让那个迷人且油腔滑调的挑战者型将话题扯到欺骗上。当你怀疑那个挑战者型并没有对你百分之百诚实时，看着他的眼睛，然后说：“我知道你没有告诉我实话，请对我坦白。”

不要害怕这样做会失去这名挑战者型。反之，他或她会更想跟你交往，因为你现在已经赢得了挑战者型的尊敬。挑战者型会给你应有的尊敬，同时他或她将在未来对你忠诚。记住：挑战者型会是一位极佳的约会对象及终生的伴侣。

*约会锦囊：提出数项你很喜欢的休闲活动，或是你的旅游经验。

当谈到刺激时，挑战者型讨厌被打败。在你还未把话说完时，你的新朋友也许已经开始兴奋地告诉你他最快乐和热烈的经验。为了证明他的话，你的挑战者型会邀请你到他最爱的地方去参与他最爱的活动，以便向你展示“一件你从未看过的事物”。

既然挑战者型以伟大的说服家自居，就让他们努力说服你同意他们所谈及的那个活动是“你所有过最刺激的经验”。

一旦你让你的挑战者型兴奋起来，请勉强地答应(或至少装作勉强)他的邀约。挑战者型喜欢觉得是他说服你与他们同往的。

你要如何赢得挑战者型情人的爱？

和挑战者型一起参加他最爱的社交活动，像是宴会、舞蹈俱乐部或喜剧俱乐部；或是进行有趣的潜水、滑水或赌博；也可以是在山间、海滩上、温泉或任何他们建议的地方休息。

让他们取悦你、迷醉你，并让你笑到眼泪直流。挑战者型擅长于讲笑话、说故事或机智的应答。

*恋爱锦囊：别展现占有欲。

挑战者型讨厌占有欲强的伴侣。你可以通过展现你的信任和不占有，提升你在挑战者型心中的地位。千万不要当那种大惊小怪的男女朋友，当挑战者型和一大群朋友外出参加聚会时，请不要庸人自扰。

同时，如果感觉到对方打定主意要欺骗你时，你必须偶尔表现得若无其事。这是一种体贴的平衡，但也是一种让挑战者型觉得宽心，且继续对一段感情付出的重要方法。

伊莎贝尔是一位39岁的机械工程师，她成功地在和她的挑战者型交往过程中找到了平衡点，因而驾驭了他漂泊不羁的风格，并使他们的感情发展成长久的关系。

当他们刚开始交往时，伊莎贝尔和阿方索(一位32岁的行销助理)的关系就像乘坐魔毯一般。几乎每一天，阿方索都会为她准备新奇的礼物或惊喜。某一天晚上，他租了一部加长型轿车，然后到海滩下驰骋。另一次，他留话给她请她到机场与他会面，他们飞到巴黎去用晚餐，第二天早上再飞回美国。那真是一次难忘的经历！

然而，伊莎贝尔却怀疑他是一个玩弄女人的花花公子，她怀疑他对她隐瞒了一些秘密。她的直觉告诉自己，阿方索深夜的业务会议和周末的旅程并非是为了公事。

一般说来，伊莎贝尔并不是一个占有欲强的女人。但是对于阿方索，这名挑战者型，一个专业的诱惑者，伊莎贝尔知道她必须小心。她开始渐渐发现阿方索的日程与行动之间的不一致性。

某天晚上，伊莎贝尔约了阿方索在一家餐厅会面，她平静地在他面前拿出她的证据与他对质。利用她苦心搜集了2个月的信息，她告诉阿方索她已经知道他欺骗过她，除了她以外，阿方索至少还有另外两个女人。

开始的时候他试图欺骗她，但是不管他的言辞听起来多具有说服力，她还是坚持追问到底。最后阿方索投降了，他承认确实曾经和其中两位前女友约会。

由于她熟知挑战者型的人格特质，伊莎贝尔非常漂亮地处理了这个状况。与其制造一场大哭大闹的场景，她现实的表现更容易令逻辑性强、务实的阿方索大为激赏。伊莎贝尔在冷静地告诉阿方索她已没有兴趣再见到他之后，她快速地离开了餐厅，并在接下来的3个星期中不接听他的电话。

阿方索如今是一个彻底改变的男人。不仅仅因为伊莎贝尔是其中少数可拒绝他魅力的女人，他更感觉到她有一个内在的测谎器，可以在任何他说谎的时候侦测出来。他生命中第一次，真正地被一位女人的智慧和人格打动。他心中下了决定，她将是那个他可以对她忠诚的女人，因为她可以给他的太多了。他知道如果失去她将是一件很愚蠢的事。

和伊莎贝尔所了解的一样，如果你可以在自由和忠贞之间找到一个平衡点，维持和一位挑战者型的感情关系会是一次美好的经历。如果你可以利用这种巧妙的平衡，那个迷人的挑战者型将会是一个最佳伴侣。

如何和挑战者型情人拥有美好的性关系？

来段与众不同、*、带点异国情怀的前戏。挑战者型天生就是*派。当谈到*时，挑战者型沉溺于当下的欢愉当中；他们追求刺激、惊喜和多变。根据我的研究，挑战者型对非传统的*活动最开放的那种。

和记者型(ENFP)与表演者型(ESFP)一样，挑战者型的*会被角色扮演、幻想、不同的姿势和地点以及任何可以激起他们情欲需求的事物所*。

如果你可以提供你的挑战者型一些性变化及实验，你将享有一名忠贞且刺激的爱侣。你的挑战者型会渐渐意识到这段感情其他的好处(你的关怀、智慧、陪伴和其他的特质)将足以弥补他们的多变性，他或她会愿意牺牲，与你过着专一恩爱的生活。

如何和挑战者型情人维持一段长久的关系？

根据我的研究，挑战者型是最抗拒结婚的恋爱类型—他们永远不结婚的比率最高。有一些挑战者型，不论他们是否单身、与人同居或已婚，他们总是因为同时进行数段感情而恶名昭著。

另外，当提到爱情关系时，挑战者型并不特别善感，因为如此，他们的言语和举止也许看起来很无情，甚至很冷血。

作为一个外向型的现实主义者(感受型)，挑战者型只会在确实知道他们可以得到相同价值的回报时，才会投入一段感情关系。如果一名挑战者型相信某人并不值得他花精力去投入，他会很快地消失，然后转入另一段感情，有些时候甚至不辞而别。

和一位挑战者型在一起并不是一件容易的事，对方的想法总是玩世不恭。然而除了这些潜在的缺点之外，和一位挑战者型发展一段爱情关系是相当值得的。

The Doer

As an ESTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.

ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and motivations. They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance. They're typically a couple of steps ahead of the person they're interacting with. ESTPs use this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has decided that something needs to be done, then their "do it and get on with it" attitude takes precendence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong.

ESTPs have a strong flair for drama and style. They're fast-moving, fast-talking people who have an appreciation for the finer things in life. They may be gamblers or spendthrifts. They're usually very good at story telling and improvising. They typically makes things up as they go along, rather than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and may not care about the effect their words have on others. It's not that they don't care about people, it's that their decision-making process does not involve taking people's feelings into account. They make decisions based on facts and logic.

ESTP's least developed area is their intuitive side. They are impatient with theory, and see little use for it in their quest to "get things done". An ESTP will occasionally have strong intuitions which are often way off-base, but sometimes very lucid and positive. The ESTP does not trust their instincts, and is suspicious of other people's intuition as well.

The ESTP often has trouble in school, especially higher education which moves into realms where theory is more important. The ESTP gets bored with classes in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get things done. The ESTP may be brilliantly intelligent, but school will be a difficult chore for them.

The ESTP needs to keep moving, and so does well in careers where he or she is not restricted or confined. ESTPs make extremely good salespersons. They will become stifled and unhappy dealing with routine chores. ESTPs have a natural abundance of energy and enthusiasm, which makes them natural entrepreneurs. They get very excited about things, and have the ability to motivate others to excitement and action. The can sell anyone on any idea. They are action-oriented, and make decisions quickly. All-in-all, they have extraordinary talents for getting things started. They are not usually so good at following through, and might leave those tasks to others. Mastering the art of following through is something which ESTPs should pay special attention to.

ESTPs are practical, observant, fun-loving, spontaneous risk-takers with an excellent ability to quickly improvise an innovative solution to a problem. They're enthusiastic and fun to be with, and are great motivators. If an ESTP recognizes their real talents and operates within those realms, they can accomplish truly exciting things.

What does Success mean to an ESTP?

With a dominant function of Extraverted Sensing, and an auxiliary function of Introverted Thinking, people with the ESTP personality type have a heightened need for sensory experience and for tactile engagement with their physical environment. The ESTP is most comfortable when they can treat life as a big game in which they must be quick to use their skills in order to win. In such a game-playing scenario, the ESTP is most likely to be the winner, as no other personality type is as quick on their feet as the ESTP.

ESTPs have an amazingly ability to size up people in an instant and come up with an accurate ballpark understanding of where they are coming from. The ESTP cannot help using this skill, it is natural for them, but it brings them great satisfaction to be able to use this skill to enact some personal gain, or to "win the game." The ESTP is also strongly driven to tangibly interact with their immediate physical environment. This need manifests itself in many ways, most commonly as an attraction to sports or physical challenges, and as a desire to always be doing something. ESTPs are the great Doers. If you want to make something happen quickly, ask an ESTP. These inherent skills make the ESTP likely to find success professionally as salespeople or professional athletes. However, any career that capitalizes on their people skills or their ability to maneuver within their physical world AND gives them immediate feedback is likely to be a good fit for the ESTP.

The ESTP's need to be engaged with their immediate, external world makes success on a personal level more challenging. They feel happiest when they are outside of themselves, but personal success requires going within to get to know the self. However, once these needs are recognized, they are not mutually exclusive. The ESTP who feeds their constant drive for new sensory experiences as well as their need for real reflection upon those experiences and impressions will find a deeper level of personal satisfaction than the ESTP who allows his immediate needs for sensory experiences to yank him about.

However, even those ESTPs who have developed their ability to reflect on matters will always be connected at some base level to the strong desire for new experiences, and will get their "bread and butter" feelings of success from conquering challenges in their physical environment. ESTPs need to know they've got the goods, won the moment, done the job. Once given a task that intrigues them, or having discovered something new to be tried, very little will stop them from doing all they can to meet the challenge, and thereby achieve what they consider to be a personal success. Success to an ESTP is usually not measured in ongoing terms, but in transient moments of achievement, moments which bring the ESTP the needed feeling of having won the day.

Allowing Your ESTP Strengths to Flourish

As an ESTP, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and be more content with your role.

Potential Problem Areas

With any gift of strength, there is an associated weakness. Without "bad", there would be no "good". Without "difficult", there would be no "easy". We value our strengths, but we often curse or simply ignore our weaknesses. To grow as a person and get what we want out of life, we must certainly exploit our strengths, but we must also face our weaknesses and deal with them. That means taking a hard look at the potential problem areas in our personality type.

It is important to realize that type weaknesses are just the blind spots behind our stronger character traits, and that the more undesirable characteristics specific to a type are usually limited to those people whose type is heavily expressed, and then only if circumstances have combined to narrow or circumvent that person's natural development. So in reading what follows, it is worth remembering that, in describing these typical tendencies and the negative patterns of behavior which can flow from them, we are building an understanding for positive development. Every person is differently made, and we must always remember that these so called "weaknesses" are the unavoidable, understandable and natural characteristics of our type.

Most of the weaker characteristics found in ESTPs result from Extraverted Sensing dominating their personality and co-opting the usefulness of their other functions, whilst some other difficulties stem directly from the ESTP's inability to use their less adapted functions of Extraverted Feeling and Introverted Intuition. Either singly or in combination, these ESTP traits cause most or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

Explanation of Problems

Because the ESTP is driven to experience the world through concrete sensation, their need for sensual experience combines with the possibilities of the moment to provide everything they feel is necessary to life. Using Introverted Thinking only to justify or enhance their sensual needs, the ESTP can easily flow with the world in a reckless manner, their own behavior mapped and justified by a ruling grid locked only to the objective action of the moment. Many of the difficulties described above flow from this common ESTP trait of attending only to the world and the people around them for the sake of satisfying their constant need for fresh experiences and new conquests. For the ESTP who lacks the support of a well adapted rational, judging function, the objective world remains an endlessly fascinating playground, where the constantly changing rules of the game often provide the only real codes of conduct they live by.

Without a well developed Introverted Thinking function enabling the ESTP to reflect upon the consequences of their actions and desires, the feelings and needs of others can seem of little concern to them. Often, those who cannot match the ESTP round for round are considered persons of little consequence, or valued only as useful pawns in an endless game of one-upmanship where the gratification of the ESTPs needs is the only object. In addition to this, because Feeling is the ESTP's tertiary function, its judgments tend to be colored by the unconscious background, which means that it is often used negatively. In responding to the ESTP's sense driven thinking assessments, such a feeling function plays down empathy and enhances the maintenance of negative feelings about others, particularly when they do not "go along" with the ESTP's primary function driven ways and needs.

Under such conditions the strongly expressing ESTP, whose auxiliary Introverted Thinking function serves only to make biased, supportive, "correct" judgments about their own behavior, will often "stand outside the circle", their biased judgments reducing others to a mere audience, expected to support the ESTPs notions without question. In relationships this can be a danger, for it means the ESTP will rarely accede to the feeling based demands of others, nor give credit to those ideas which arise from an intuitive outlook on life. Their behavior in this regard often borders on outright contempt or a sullen refusal to accept anything outside their own purview.

Such strongly expressing ESTPs can sometimes find themselves without any truly close relationships, for their behavior often provides a strong signal to others, who sense that "here be dragons", and consequently offer as little as possible of their personal feelings or worldly knowledge as grist to the ESTPs one-upmanship mill. Under these circumstances, whilst the ESTP may have lots of acquaintances and partners in fun, there will be very few who will befriend them at any truly supportive, emotional level.

Apart from the reasons given above, some narrowly expressing ESTPs can sometimes find themselves isolated because of the unusual things they believe about people and the world - particularly in regard to the reasons they believe certain things happen. The ESTP is extremely familiar with the workings of the immediate, rational world of the senses, but because their Intuition is a virtually unconscious function, their ideas about things outside their ken can quite often be extraordinarily quaint, superstitious or just downright bizarre, and their thinking can weave some amazing logic to support these beliefs. This rarely affects their day to day life, for these ideas and superstitions quite often support their keenness and abilities, but in a situation where truly intuitive or theoretical notions are considered relevant and important, the ESTP can find themself very much the odd man out.

Of all the personality types, the strongly expressing ESTP can be the hardest to convince that their world view is not the only valid one; that it does not necessarily spring from the best and only way to be; that everyone else in the world who is "normal" does not approach life in the same way as the ESTP.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the ESTP needs to focus on freeing their thinking from the control of Extraverted Sensing and allow themself the space to make careful, rational judgments. Not only about the immediate, external situation, but also about the ways in which it can be managed to create a more valuable, long term result. The ESTP's capacity to do this is innate; it hides just beneath the surface and takes only a few deliberate moments to allow it to work. All the ESTP needs to do is to recognize the difference between thinking with the moment, with the subject of their immediate sense impressions, and the thinking they do when nothing else grasps their attention. The ESTP needs to recognize that the second kind of thinking, this "alone with self" space, is full of potential for careful judgment of their actions and consideration of the best course for the future. Introverted Thinking is in truth the ESTP secret weapon. It is Introverted Thinking working in the background of their life which makes the ESTP such a potent personality. Bringing it into the foreground, allowing its power to be no longer a secret to them is the key to ESTP development.

I want to offer the ESTP some specific suggestions and advice here, for bringing the value of introspection into focus it isn't just a matter of flipping a switch in the head. One of the reasons for this is that, when uncoupled from the fascinations of the outer world and reality, the ESTP's Introverted Thinking tends to get caught up in the negative judgments and images which flow from their feeling and intuitive functions; all too easily falling into a cloudy, uncertain world of anxieties and sinister implications. The ESTP's inner space needs to be cleared of this often childish and ill-informed miasma of negativity. So it is necessary to reassure yourself, to calmly and decisively insist upon quiet in your inner mind, and have faith that all concerns will be taken care of by the "adult of the household" (the mature version of Introverted Thinking.)

Turning off the world and getting into your own space can be difficult at the beginning, but it provides the greatest rewards. For the ESTP doesn't need to learn how to think, they already do it extremely well - they just need to turn their thinking upon themselves. They need to measure and evaluate their usefulness, their actions, their relationships in ways that look for quality, and in ways to offer value to all things and people in their lives.

Challenge yourself. Challenges are simple stuff for the ESTP, and all it really takes is a few moments of reflection each day. Ask yourself regularly: "What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Who benefits from it?" Ask these questions in every type of situation, and discover how the answers begin showing a path toward not only greater understanding of self and others, but also show ways to include others in a relationship with your whole self. Soon you will discover your feelings and intuitions coming on board with a more positive and inclusive force. Growing yourself soon becomes easy, because it just takes the simple routine of letting your innate power of considered thought work upon your own life, rather than only using it to support what's going on outside. Think about it.

Living Happily in our World as an ESTP

ESTPs usually have a strong group of supporters, both at work and socially. They are often popular, their appeal is magnetic and they attract those who would like to do the things they can do. The problems the ESTP has fitting into the world tend to be related to the flip side of this attractive and challenging exterior, for the deeper and more intimate side of people tends to avoid them, just as the ESTP tends to avoid the deeper connections. ESTPs have no trouble attracting lovers and admirers, they simply have trouble keeping them, for once relationships begin to demand constancy and deep, feeling based connections, the ESTP is often left wondering what the fuss was about. Their inadequacy in this regard can often make others feel they are lacking any real feelings or desire for commitment, whilst the truth is that they simply do not know the path to such things without a long and difficult learning period. They are more frightened of feelings rather than unable to feel, they are more timid of commitment rather than unable to commit. In relationships the ESTP needs reassurance, but all too often their needs are unspoken and interpreted as inabilities.

Specific Suggestions:

• Ask yourself what you want from a long term relationship. Now turn this around and see how your requirements compare with others. Are you being realistic? Have you forgotten to include the needs of others in your ideal relationship? Are you afraid of the things you need to offer, or are you just afraid that in offering them you will lose something?
• Alwas remember, that a relationship which adds to your personal skills and life is a valuable one, while a relationship which limits your ability to be yourself is not going to work. Now try to see how your own demands and needs might add to another, and what they might take away from them.
• Don't be afraid of letting your feelings show, even if they frighten you for their weakness or showing your own vulnerability. More often than not, such honesty is the beginning of the kind of relationship that can lead you to grow.
• Your best partner is going to be the one who fills your private space, your thinking space, as well as your senses. Try to talk to others about what you think. Discover yourself in your thoughts and let relationships grow through your letting the other person into your inner world. Discuss your fears and limits and discover the strength available to you from the support of another who may have what you need.

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve ESTP Success

1.     Feed Your Strengths! Give yourself every opportunity to show your innate skills. If you are not in a relationship or a job which allows this to happen, it might be time to discover ways to change this. Remember, your strengths derive from being able to deal with the world, with situations where getting things done, where opportunities to surmount difficulty exist.

2.     Face Your Weaknesses. Try to be straight up with yourself. You have limitations others find as strengths. So what? You don't have to hide behind a curtain of fear just because you have difficulty with feelings or sorting out your inner perceptions. Allow yourself to be who you are and at the same time let others help you be more honest with your limitations.

3.     Talk About Your Thoughts. Discussing your ideas and perceptions with others will help you to develop your separate, inner reality, make you a "real" person to them even without all that external activity. How well you use your auxiliary function is very important to your overall health and happiness.

4.     Don't Be Afraid to Show Emotion. Your inferior functions want you to be still a child inside, and that makes you run, that makes you want to prove yourself even more. You don't have to prove anything to anyone in this regard. Everyone feel emotion and everyone is a little child inside. Find those people whose eyes tell you that you are not alone, and let them hear your child's voice.

5.     Respect Your Need for Action. Understand that you need to be actively working with your environment to be "in the groove" with life. Don't chastise yourself for not being the sort to sit around and read a book or watch a movie. Choose a partner and companions who value active lifestyles, but remember to allow yourself time out to consider how their input into your life will change it. Don't just follow your nose - life is not an endless party or expedition.

6.     Recognize the Differences in Others. Realize that everyone is different, not just a little different, but very different. Everyone has their place and value. You need to notice those values and places, places where you cannot easily fit. You can learn from these people, for they have gifts you can use, gifts they offer simply by being who they are. Try figuring out their psychological type for yourself and notice how certain types can lift you out of negative feelings just by being who they are.

7.     It's OK to Get Out of your Comfort Zone. Understand that the only way to grow is to get outside of your comfort zone. If you're uncomfortable with an idea or situation because you're not sure how to act, that's good! That's an opportunity for growth.

8.     Identify and Express Your Feelings. You may have a hard time figuring out exactly how you feel about someone that you're involved with. It's important that you do figure this out. Don't lead someone on with your ambivalence. If you determine that you value the person, tell them so every time you think of it. This is the best way to make them feel secure in your affections, and so to promote a long-lasting relationship.

9.     Be Aware that You can Fail, and that it is OK. Not every mountain can be climbed, not every customer will be satisfied, no matter how hard you try or no matter what tricks you bring to bear. Getting beaten is an opportunity to reflect upon what is important, what really matters in life. Next time you will take up a challenge more worthy of your skills, and more valuable to others. You can be a champion, and it will be at your own game. Try to let it be a game of life, where everyone wins if you do.

10. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself with fear and dark imaginings. Expect the best, and the best will come.